somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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