Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
