I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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