Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
