I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
