Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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