Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
