What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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