...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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