so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
