I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
