And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
