new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
