its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
