Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
