dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
