Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
