I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
