Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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