your parents love me but you hate me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
