Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
