CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm both gender and math confused
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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