I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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