Are my feet made of real feet?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didn't notice because vodka
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
