someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
