She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
