You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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