Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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