I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
