I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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