I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
