im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
