jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
