remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
