when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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