Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
