Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
