a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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