i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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