I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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