We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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