I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
