Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
