we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
