I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
