I want to stick my p in your. b.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
