Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
