Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
