And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
