It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
