What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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